


Hourglass

by REINDOWN



Series: A Future of Outstretched Arms [11]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Bittersweet, Break Up, F/M, Future Fic, Gekijouban Gintama Kanketsu-hen: Yorozuya yo Eien Nare | Be Forever Yorozuya, Grief/Mourning, Relationship(s), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-16 00:41:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9266153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/REINDOWN/pseuds/REINDOWN
Summary: Waiting physically aches, but Kagura must bear the pain of waiting for the hourglass to right itself.[Set Yorozuya Eien Nare][KaguraxOkita]





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a collection of one shots, drabbles etc. of Gintama. If you enjoy this, then please take a look at the rest of the series~

As they say in the kitchen: if you're looking, it ain't cookin'

 

Waiting was an incredibly irritating thing. It was wearing her down, tiring her out. It was a downwards spiral, a cumulating flutter of butterflies in the chest and stomach. The tightness across the heart in anxiety that just couldn’t be eased with steady breathing. And the more she thought about breathing slowly, the less she knew what normal breathing was; the more her heart quickened with nervousness. Her fingers felt that kind of weak jitter that made normal tasks feel rushed and abnormal. Distractions were proving stressful too, because she was waiting for the door to knock or the phone to ring and what if she missed it? She couldn't listen to music, watch TV or even go to the toilet because what if she missed it?

All the while, her thoughts were ridiculous, liquid thoughts sloshing around her head, unable to settle. She perched somewhere between the door and the phone, glancing for a shadow, listening for a ring. Maybe she should check that the phone was plugged in. Sometimes Sadaharu would clumsily kick it out. It would give her something to do anyway; she had been sat there an hour now.

11am, he had said. It was 12:42 with only so many seconds to go until 12:43 would tick over and still the room was as silent as the phone. By 11, she would have heard from him, or so he had said. They had returned from a month long, arduous mission with a ridiculously high risk this morning – at least, they should have – very early, before even the birds had begun their morning call. _By eleven o'clock, I'll call you. I promise._

He had said it in such sombre tones that a seed of worry had implanted in her stomach and had only grown over the past week. He was usually so lazy, so relaxed - never serious. He wouldn't promise her anything, he'd just stick out his tongue or grin sadistically. And yet he had said _I promise_ without so much as a smirk … so she knew that there was a very real chance that he may never return.

Shut up.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

No, him saying that wasn't an ominous foreshadow: it was a sign that their relationship was changing. He was caring more, that was all. That was everything. Ever since humanity had either fallen or fled, ever since that day when Sakata Gintoki had disappeared, he had steadily increased the minutes by her side. He would assure her in his own indirect way, seek comfort with her when things were also stressful on his side. He was serious now. The fun was over. The times where they'd battle and whine over silly things were in past tense, where they would forever lay memories. They couldn't smile the same in a world so barren, cruel and empty of the ones they loved. Him saying _I promise_ meant don't worry, I'll come back. I won't leave you like he did. You won't be alone.

12:54.

She didn't have a number to ring him on, after all the Shinsengumi didn't exist any more - they had no place to return to but that didn't matter. They still had their commander and that was everything. So she just had to wait for him to call.

The morning had passed now; it was gone. The silence dragged in the apartment she rarely stayed in any more. She hadn't even switched on the lights. Sunlight filtered through the window which never ended up with blinds, despite Gintoki saying he would eventually get some. She sat beside the sofa, not on it, because that was where _he_ sat. It was where she'd find him passed out drunk or reading JUMP. It was where he'd return to some day.   
Sadaharu wasn't in. She didn't know where he was, just that they'd meet up later on in the day as usual. She rarely saw Shinpachi any more. The only person that regularly paid her a visit was Okita Sougo.

And it was 13:08 and he should have called.

_Brring ...brri-_

She couldn't pick up fast enough.

“Hello, Yorozuya de aru.”  
“Ah, Kagura-san?”  
“... Yamazaki? What are you ringing me for?” A sarcastic retort wouldn't even come to her. Why on earth would he be ringing instead of - …  
“Ah, it's just … Captain Okita said to ring you.”  
“ … huh?”  
“He can't ring you himself. He got injured in the raid and we're treating him at the moment. He wouldn't settle down until I called you.”  
“I see …”  
“He said he'll come see you and just to wait.”  
“ … ”  
“Well, bye bye.”  
“Uhn …”

Just to wait, he said. But Kagura was fed up of waiting. 

…

He came to rather than woke up. His body still didn't feel like his own, his hands were numb and there was a sort of tingle in his toes that felt foreign to him. He felt drugged too, which probably wasn't far wrong. He guessed the numbness was covering for some sort of agonising pain that was waiting to flare up the moment he paid it any attention. The longer he ignored it, the better, he decided. Still, when he opened his eyes the room was dim and that wasn't entirely due to the lack of light. Objects took a while to focus and he really, _really_ didn't want to sit up right now. 

“You said you'd call at eleven,” a voice split the silence from close by. He jolted upright immediately and ahh yes, it did hurt. A lot.  
“What are you ...” Kagura knelt by his side. He was sat on a futon laid out on the floor of the old temple the Shinsengumi had been using as a base. When her figure finally cleared in his eyes, he could tell she wasn't in a good mood.  
“They let me in. Well, they couldn't have stopped me anyway.”  
“Couldn't you leave it until I came to see you?”  
“I wanted to be there to see the death of the sadist. Too bad.”  
“What a shame, I'm still kicking. And before you ask, I didn't find anything.”

She had no reply for that. It had been the same story every time he had gone away, and similarly when she herself had gone looking for signs of Sakata Gintoki, she hadn't found even a drop of strawberry milk. At this point, she suspected nothing different. He was a grain of sugar in a bag of salt, sand in an hourglass. And moreover, when he wanted to disappear, she knew from experience that he could melt away so easily. The question was, why?   
Okita noticed the darkness in her eyes cloud over again, but as always there was nothing he could do about it. He simply could not replace that man, though he didn't want to.

“Did you have a good holiday?”  
“It wasn't a holiday, we were investigating - … whatever, yeah. It was a good holiday.”  
“I can't believe you let yourself get this beat up though,” she bared her teeth in a sadistic grin. He scowled back at her. He could certainly feel the dried blood crusting and rubbing against his skin. It had been patched up with a bandage but that would need changing soon – it was more of a reddish brown now than white.   
“I had a surfing accident with a shark.” He muttered, gently easing himself back onto the futon. It wasn't such a good idea to be moving around for a while. Daggers could stab deep, it turned out. “Anyway, what's this I hear about a 'Gura-san'. What sort of a name is that? Should I start calling you Ray Band?”  
“Just lay down. I'm tired of joking around.” Kagura replied, and even the darkness of the room couldn't hide the dark shades under her eyes and her pale complexion. He wanted to ask her if she had been eating right, if she had stopped sitting in front of Gintoki's grave on cold days … but he didn't feel he could. The answers were right there, anyway.

The quiet _shiik_ of the door sliding open broke the stale air that was choking the room. Hijikata Toshiro was surprised to see Kagura sat there, but not so much so that he questioned it.  
“So this is the monster that took down our men guarding the entrance.” Her mouth remained closed, void of any quick retort. She looked beaten, but then, what was new? Hijikata had grown used to a more mature and silent Kagura. After all, she had spent enough time crying and yelling in an empty city. She couldn't do that forever and this is where her grieving had brought her. He didn't know much about human psychology but he sometimes wondered if Sougo had become Gintoki's replacement. She needed someone to fill that massive, destructive gap within her and this had just accelerated her relationship with Sougo at a rate they couldn't cherish. If all this hadn't have happened, they'd probably still be poisoning each other's snacks. Though, he wasn't exactly any expert in love himself.

“If you're here then you can do it.” He laid the first aid box and hot water bowl beside Kagura, turning to leave.  
“What makes you think I want to touch this dirty sadist? He can lie there and rot for all I care.”  
“The fact that you're sat here means something, right?” Hijikata replied. He hadn't meant to encroach on that territory and from the look in her eyes, she hadn't expected it either. Once more, she fell silent and brought her knees into her chest. A few seconds later, there were only two in the room again. Okita was the one to break the silence.  
“Erw, gross, she likes me,” he mocked, and though he played the part well, his heart wasn't in the teasing. They were just both so _tired_ , so fed up of all this and every advancement Okita made to get things back to how they were just reminded him that so much had changed irreversibly. Each time he searched for Sakata Gintoki, he realised that the person who had brought Kagura and him together was now driving a wedge between them because Kagura couldn't be happy until he was back by her side. Until the yorozuya was reinstated, she felt that she had to be in a constant mood of mourning. She had to search for him until he was found – alive, or … else.

“Kagura ...” Okita began, hesitantly. He was hesitant to say it, but he had thought it through. He had to say it. “The shinsengumi are leaving here.” Her head shot up. “Something happened to our commander and … with the world like this, there isn't a place for a police force. So I want you to stop coming here. And I want to stop seeing you.”  
“ … 'kay …”  
“I'm going to keep searching for danna and when he's found, I'll bring him to you.”  
“Mm.”  
“Once the yorozuya and the shinsengumi are complete again, I'll come see you.” She gave a small nod.

After that Kagura left, as she was asked. And she did not return. They did not meet, even though Okita came back to Edo more times than he really should have. It was a long time into the future that they were reunited and though the two conditions had been met, Sakata Gintoki hadn't been found. The yorozuya had adopted another droopy eyed, laid back and quick-witted fool to fill the gap, whilst the shinsengumi had rescued their commander and broadened their group by uniting with the joui. And it was also at that time that Okita saw Kagura smile again, laugh again. They felt one step away from finding Gintoki and subsequently unravelling the mystery of the virus. Things were brightening up, the skies were opening and dark greys became shimmering silvers. The scales were righting themselves steadily, and it was only a matter of time before Okita would return to Kagura and offer her his hand. 

And the electric shock button concealed within it.

**Author's Note:**

> Love to those of you who have given kudos, commented or bookmarked my work so far! It is appreciated!


End file.
